Between Hearts: A Romance Anthology Page 3

  I hold my breath before asking. “What did they say?”

  “I have no idea. Dad didn’t say anything specific, just that we shouldn’t spend as much time together anymore and that we shouldn’t even think about dating.”

  My eyes widen in response to her words.

  She laughs. “Don’t worry. I’m not listening to them, and I’m not telling them anything, either. Are you?”

  I shake my head, still worried about our parents’ intervention.

  “In fact,” she continues, “if anything, being told what I can’t do with you just makes me want to do it even more.”

  She moves under the covers, and before I know what she’s doing, she straddles me. Her hips are over mine, her hands on my stomach, and her fingers are reaching under my t-shirt, pulling it up.

  “Lilly?”

  “Shh . . .”

  She tugs and pulls until I lean up and she removes my shirt. Her hands trace the lines of my stomach, and my belly quivers under her touch. I am instantly hard under her, and there’s no way to hide it.

  “I love these lines right here.” She traces the twin lines on either side of my stomach until they disappear under my basketball shorts. Her hands go up my chest, and she leans over me and kisses the length of my scar. Jesus!

  “Lilly—”

  She kisses me, effectively shutting me up and chasing away any doubts I might have about her intentions. I was going to ask her if she wanted to open another wish, but I guess it can wait.

  #5: I wish that this day would never end.

  Wish #6

  Zac

  Every day this week has been the same. We get together and make out. Her house, mine, the treehouse, the beach. It’s getting more and more intense, and it’s making for a very frustrated me. I’ve been jerking off everyday, before and after I see her, and it’s not even taking the edge off. But I’m not pushing. I let her take the lead, do what she wants every time. She likes that, being in control. It’s driving me crazy, but each day, she goes a little further. If we keep this pace, I’m pretty sure we’ll lose our virginity to each other before we go back to school. Maybe I should buy rubbers, but I don’t want to assume, and I don’t want to bring it up. I’ll have to hide them in a place no one can find them, and if I hide them that well, they won’t be handy when we need them. It’s not like I go around with a wallet so I can stash one in there. Plus, I can see myself forgetting it in a pocket and Mom finding it while doing laundry. That would not be good. Not good at all.

  I hear a knock on the back door, followed by the sound of it opening.

  “Zac?”

  “In my room,” I call down the stairs to Lilly.

  I’m getting dressed, and she comes up so fast, she literally catches me with my pants down. Here I am with no shirt, in my boxer briefs, with one leg in my pants when she comes to a stop at my door. The look of surprise on her face is replaced by a mischievous smile. I freeze, and she drops her backpack as she walks in. With a hand on my chest, she pushes me backward until the back of my knees bump the bed, one pant leg dragging on my foot, the other behind it on the floor. I fall back, sitting on the bed, and she pushes between my legs, her hands in my hair, directing me to look up at her.

  “I have perfect timing.” She grins at me.

  “Do you now?”

  “Yep. You saved me a ton of work by already being half-naked when I walked in.”

  My eyebrows shoot up. Half-naked? Before I can say anything, she pushes me back on the bed, still unmade from this morning. I let myself fall back all the way. She crawls over me and sits astride my hips, her knees pressing to my sides. I’m instantly hard, and I know she can feel me under her. She wears a white tank top and a flirty white and blue short skirt, and the only things between us are two thin scraps of cotton. She leans over me and kisses me. My hands go to her hair and I pull her closer, her tongue in my mouth.

  She pulls back just enough that her lips graze mine when she talks.

  “I don’t want to wait anymore, Zac. I hate cold showers. I need you.”

  Her lips are on mine before I can say anything. My brain whirls with her words. Now? This is happening now? I break the kiss. “Lilly?” I search her eyes for any signs of doubt, but all I see is determination.

  Her mind is made up. I love this about her, how she always jumps in headfirst once she makes a decision. She’s so brave, so determined to live life on her own terms. I count my blessings for being a part of her life. She reaches inside her tank top, pulls out a condom, and shows it to me before dropping it on the bed.

  I laugh. “What else are you hiding in there?”

  She answers me by pulling her tank top over her head. The pink bra she’s wearing disappears just as fast. Lilly bares herself for me. I suck in a breath. She’s perfect, absolutely perfect. The skin on her breasts is creamy white and much lighter than the rest of her tanned body. She’s cream and caramel, and I want to swallow her whole.

  My hands trail up her belly and palm her breasts. It’s not the first time I’ve touched them, but it is the first time I’ve seen them, and the first time with nothing between my hands and her skin. She moves on top of me, swaying to a song only she can hear. I grow harder. I pull her to me, and when her nipples brush my chest, my hips jerk up. The rest of our clothes come off. We kiss and touch. We explore each other, slow and frantic and then slow again. A fleeting thought about the risks involved in what we are about to do crosses my mind, but I push it away. I move to hover over her.

  “If there’s anything you don’t want me to do, anything you’re not comfortable with, tell me.”

  She nods at me. I let my mouth trace, kiss and lick every inch of her body. I can feel her trembling under me, and when my lips skim over her inner thigh, she moans. I want this so much it hurts. I’ve wanted to taste her for years. I don’t hold back. Her hips jerk up when my lips first touch her. Just a brush at first, then I taste her, and we both moan at the same time. I just found my new favorite thing.

  I could stay here between her legs, licking at her for the rest of my life. I can’t get enough. I listen. I pay attention to her responses, and I can tell what she likes, what feels good for her, and I do it. I keep on doing it, and it’s not long before her entire body is tensing under my mouth and her hands are at my hair, tugging me even closer to her.

  I increase the pressure as I lick and suck until she is coming, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Now, Zac. I want you inside me now.” Her plea is urgent.

  I find the foil pack on the bed and rip it open, sliding it over me as she watches, a smile playing on her lips. “Are you sure? We don’t have to. We can stop, you know that, right?”

  Her legs nudge me closer and her hand wraps around my dick in a gentle caress. Her fingers are not tentative when she pulls me to her. I go. My heart thunders. I will it to slow down, to hold on, to let me have this moment. I beg fate not to take me, not just yet. I bargain with death and promise it another day and time.

  Just not today.

  Just not right now.

  I position myself over her and pull one of her legs up, bending it at the knee. I did a lot of research, and I know this will make it easier for her. I push in slow and easy, giving her time to get used to my invasion of her body.

  She grabs my ass and pulls me into her more. I slide in another inch, and I am so hyper-aware of her that I feel the resistance. I lean in and kiss her and push in all the way.

  We gasp and moan into each other’s mouth. I am deep inside her, and the first thing that registers is how hot and tight she is. And how absolutely perfect it feels. “You okay?”

  “Yes, oh my God, yes.”

  That makes me laugh, and the vibration goes straight to my dick, making us both moan.

  “Move, please,” she orders me.

  And I do, slowly at first. The ‘no sex’ warning flashes through my mind again but is forgotten as the pleasure of moving inside Lilly takes over me.

/>   “You feel so good, Lilly.”

  I take deep breaths, trying to keep my heart steady, and Lilly recognizes what I’m trying to do. She pushes at my shoulder and flips us over, straddling me and taking over.

  “Zac?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

  “Just do whatever feels good for you. Don’t worry about me.”

  I watch her as she moves above me, awkward at first but then finding a rhythm that works for her and oh, it so works for me. I reach for her hips and grab her ass, moving with her. Her boobs bounce with each thrust.

  Lilly experiments and changes angles. She leans down and grinds on me, moaning. I don’t know how much longer I’ll last. I reach between us and touch her. I must have hit the right spot because she shudders when I increase the pressure. Thanks, Dr. NerdLove.com, for that tip.

  I can feel her tightening around me. Her head falls into my chest, her back arches, her long hair brushes my arms and curtains us. She shatters as waves of pleasure take over her body. Watching her get off on me makes me come too.

  She grunts what sounds like my name, but it is so much more. More than my name, more than an orgasm, more than sex. It is total surrender, total trust, and total intimacy. I’ve never felt as close to her as I do in this very moment. This isn’t a gift of her body. It’s not her virginity she is giving me. It’s her soul.

  #6: I wish for all your firsts, all your lasts and

  everything in between.

  Secrets

  Zac

  There is a knock on my open bedroom door, and when I look up from the book I’m reading, Dad is standing there. He steps in and closes the door, and I know the talk is coming. It’s been a couple of weeks since I overheard them talking about Lilly and me. We’ve been having sex pretty much every day since, and I’m still here, but I’m not about to say anything to Dad about it.

  “Hey, Zac, can we talk for a minute?”

  “Sure, Dad.”

  He pushes the rolling chair away from my desk and sits. I pull myself up and sit closer to the edge of the bed.

  He drags a hand over his face in a gesture I know means he’s uncomfortable with what he has to say.

  “Zac . . .” He hesitates.

  I wait.

  “Your mom and I are concerned about you getting too close to Lilly.” He looks at me expectantly, but I don’t say anything.

  “You’re almost eighteen, and I know the hormones are kicking in.” He grimaces. “I was your age once, and I know how difficult it can be, and I did not have the limitations you have.”

  I keep quiet. My poker face is engaged.

  “I think that what I’m trying to say is you’re probably thinking about sex. You know it’s not a good idea and too much of a risk. I know how much you care about Lilly and how much she cares about you, and you two spend so much time together, it would only be natural that this friendship evolves into something more.”

  I don’t avert my eyes. Doing so would be akin to a confession.

  “I want you to be careful, son. I wish I was telling you to wear protection and not to get the girl pregnant, but what I’m saying is please don’t risk it. Don’t get lost in the moment and risk your life because your body is overriding your brain. You’re a smart boy and I trust you to do the right thing. I love you. We love you. Your mom and I just want you to be safe.”

  “Dad . . .” I’m not sure what I’m going to say.

  He waits for me to go on.

  “Dad, I overheard you and Mom the other day. The way she talks about Lilly—it’s not right.”

  Dad’s shoulders sag. “I know. She wasn’t taking her medicine. I will be on top of it. I’ll make sure I watch her take it every day. You have to forgive your mom. The stress makes her say things she doesn’t mean.”

  “I’m not entirely sure she doesn’t mean it, Dad. It’s not just depression, is it? After I heard you guys, I went digging. There’s more to it.”

  Dad presses his lips together but doesn’t say anything.

  “Dad, I Googled the meds she takes. They’re for bipolar disorder. I know that it’s not just depression she’s dealing with.”

  He shakes his head as if to deny it, but I don’t let him say anything.

  “I also read that bipolar meds can cause birth defects if taken during pregnancy—specifically, heart defects.”

  There are tears in my father’s eyes now. “She didn’t know.”

  “Mom didn’t know what, Dad?”

  “She didn’t know she was pregnant. She took the medication for months before we found out she was pregnant. She was on birth control. She went for a routine physical, and they did a pregnancy test as part of the exam. She had no pregnancy symptoms, no nausea, no weight gain, nothing.”

  I understand better now why Mom feels so guilty, being pregnant with me and never realizing it while taking the meds for her condition. She blames herself for not knowing. I don’t blame her. I want Dad to know it.

  “I know Mom feels guilty because of my heart defect, and I know that she blames herself for it. Dad, I don’t blame her. You have to let her know that I don’t blame her.”

  Dad shakes his head. “No, we can’t. She can’t know that you know. It would destroy her. I don’t think she can handle you knowing it, Zac.”

  “It’s not her fault. I don’t blame her. It could have happened even if she wasn’t taking the medication. There are babies born with heart defects every day.”

  “She is ashamed.”

  “Ashamed? Of me?”

  “No! Not you. She’s ashamed of her disease. She thinks it makes her less.”

  “Dad, it’s not her fault. She was born this way.”

  “I know it, and deep down, she knows it. But knowing does not make it any easier for her. “

  Dad’s shoulders sag even more, and I reach out and touch him and squeeze his hand.

  “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything to Mom and I won’t do anything stupid.” I don’t feel like I’m lying, because making love to Lilly doesn’t feel stupid, but Dad doesn’t need to know that making love to Lilly is worth the risk. When I’m lost in her, it’s the only time I let myself hope. There is a long silence between us.

  Dad just nods at me and then squeezes my hand.

  He gets up and walks to the door.

  “Just . . . just be careful, okay? I won’t say anything to your mom.” He looks at me one last time before leaving.

  He knows! Somehow Dad knows, and he isn’t exactly telling me not to do it. He’s just telling me to be careful.

  I’m glad we had this talk. It makes it easier to understand my mom. It also makes it easier to understand the reason my Dad treats her the way he does. I know he loves my mom, but the way he’s so careful with her is always something I thought odd when compared to my friends’ parents. Now I can see it’s just his way to keep her balanced and even. More than that, I understand the depth of Dad’s love for Mom. A lesser man might have walked away from this broken family: A wife with mental health issues and a child with a defective heart. The knowledge I have now makes me see him in a different light. I’ve always loved my parents, but knowing the burden he carries and how easy it could have been to just walk away makes me love him even more.

  When I think back on my life growing up, Mom was always the worrier and Dad the one who centered her. I always thought it was because of my condition, which made me feel guilty for many years, but now I wonder if her worry is just another side effect of her disease or if it’s something innate to all mothers, even more ingrained into her because the possibility of losing me is very real.

  It has to be a bit of both, and with that knowledge, I release some of the guilt I feel. If it’s not her fault, it can’t be mine either. It’s just the hand of fate at play. Again.

  Wish #7

  Zac

  Making love to Lilly replaces every dark thought I’ve ever had. Her smile, her skin, her smell, her taste fills my soul with
so much joy, there’s nothing left but the love I feel for her. She chases away all my fears, all my doubts.

  She fills all the dark spaces in me with light and joy. How can I convey to her how much a part of my soul she is? She’s my very essence, and words are just not enough.

  No ‘I love you’ could ever express the deep burn, the craving, the need I have for her. I know I should say the words. I hope she knows that I love her with everything I have, with everything I am, and yet I don’t say the words. I’m not sure why.

  Maybe because saying ‘I love you’ feels a lot like saying ‘goodbye’, and that I can never say. I’m afraid if I say the words aloud to Lilly, I’d be tempting fate and jinxing myself. Jinxing us. I can’t let that happen. I’m afraid if I tell Lilly I love her, if I make it real with words what I feel in my heart, in my soul, this safe space I’ve built for us in my mind will come crashing, and ‘I love you’ will turn into ‘goodbye.’

  * * *

  We’re in the kitchen. She sits on the counter, bare feet dangling, and bouncing to the rhythm of the music streaming from her iPod through the house via the wireless speakers. I smile at her. I’m making us sandwiches when Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale comes on. Her eyes close and her shoulders sway to the song.

  I abandon our sandwiches and step between her legs, pulling her closer to the edge. Her hands go to my hair and her mouth comes to mine.

  My hands go under her t-shirt and I pull her closer still. She wraps her legs around me and locks her ankles behind my back. I can taste myself in her mouth. I can taste her, too. I can taste us together, and it tastes like heaven, like bliss, like a promise of forever.

  She tastes like life, and I drink her in, sucking on her tongue and lips, nibbling before diving in for more, going deeper into her still. I tell Lilly with my kisses and my touch what words cannot say. I am lost in her, so completely gone that I never hear the door open or my name being called. I don’t even realize that something is off when Lilly tries to pull away from me.