Between Hearts: A Romance Anthology Page 2

  During my last exam, my doctor told me right in front of my parents that sex would kill me, that my heart would not be able to keep its steady beat if I were to engage in sex. How about death by embarrassment? Great! As if my life didn’t suck enough, throw that in too, Doc. Well, somebody had better tell it to my dick, because he didn’t get the memo. I have a very hard time keeping it down. The doctor never said anything about jerking off, and I didn’t ask. You can’t tell a hormonal seventeen-year-old guy he can’t spank the monkey.

  I jerk off as much as the next teenage guy, but I have to be careful and go slow. The last thing I need is for my parents to find me dead in the shower, dick in hand. I can see the headlines already: Death by Masturbation.

  Lilly meets me in the water. “You didn’t put sunblock on me.”

  Ah, fuck me, I’ll have to stay in the ocean the entire day. This isn’t the first time I put sunblock on her, but it’s getting harder and harder—pun intended—to touch her, be around her, and not give away how aroused I am. For the last three years, I’ve been trying to disguise my hard-on just about every time we’re together, hiding my erection behind books or crossing my legs. Pillows really come in handy. She was just a kid. We were just kids. But she’s seventeen now, and I think I’ve waited long enough for her to grow up. I just have to figure a way to let her know how I feel without messing up our friendship. The jar of wishes will help. I hope.

  “I just wanted to cool off a minute. It’s getting hot.” I let myself float away from her and her sweet body in the purple bikini.

  She’s so beautiful, with creamy olive skin and pouty lips. Her hair is long, down to her waist, and straight. My dick twitches.

  I turn my back to her and lower my body until the water is up to my chest. There’s no wind today and barely any waves. The ocean is calm. I look at the horizon, inhaling slowly, willing my body to relax and my dick to point south instead of north.

  She takes me by surprise when she jumps on my back, her body plastered to mine. I can feel all of her on me. Her tits on my back. Excuse me, her boobs on my back. She hates that word, tits. She presses herself into me and wraps her legs around my waist, locking her ankles. My hands automatically come to her thighs, and I suck in a breath.

  She giggles in my ear. “Got you!”

  Jesus! Not even the cold water can help me now. Never have I wished for shrinkage, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.

  I hold onto her thighs and dip us both a little lower until just our shoulders are above water.

  She nuzzles my neck and sighs contentedly. I’m uncomfortably hard and need to adjust myself, but I don’t want to call attention to it or stop touching her legs. I realize that my hands have been moving up and down her thighs when I find myself squeezing them.

  “I like it when you touch me,” she says and then squeezes her legs tighter around me.

  I take a slow breath, my heart starting to beat erratically. I press a hand to my chest, breathing in and out slowly, doing the breathing exercises I was taught in yoga, trying to resume the steady beat I need to keep on living.

  “You okay?” she asks. She’s worried. Lilly has seen me doing this many times before. She tries to pull away, but I hold her on my back, pressing her thigh with the hand that isn’t massaging my chest.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little out of breath.”

  Lilly’s used to this. She knows about my heart condition, but not the whole extent of it. She knows I can’t play sports or exert myself, but not that it extends to other, more fun things I’d miss way more than a game of soccer or football. Like me between her thighs, buried deep inside her. Fuck! Thinking about it is not helping.

  She doesn’t know I’m on a waiting list for a heart donor. I never told her. Lilly has no idea how dire my situation is. And she definitely doesn’t know that her touching me—her turning me on like this and making me so hard with want for her that it physically hurts—could send me into cardiac arrest. And I’ll never tell her. If I say anything about it, she’ll avoid me in fear of hurting me, and I can’t live like that. I’d rather have a few months with her than years alone.

  “Lilly . . .”

  “Mmm hmm?” She nestles her head on my shoulder and kisses the side of my neck.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper.

  “Zac?”

  “Yeah?”

  Her hand palms my cheek and turns my face to her. “I’m seventeen now.”

  I smile. “I know.”

  “I’m not a little girl anymore.”

  “No, you’re not.” My chest squeezes at her words. What is she trying to tell me?

  She leans into me, pulling my face to hers, and her lips brush mine. I’m startled. I pull my face back in surprise.

  Her eyes go sad. “I thought . . . I thought . . . don’t you want me?”

  Is she kidding me? “Lilly—”

  “You don’t want me. I thought this whole time you were just waiting for me to be a little older, but you don’t want me.” She tries to climb off my back, and again, I hold her in place.

  “No, that’s not it. I’m surprised, that’s all. I didn’t expect it.” It pains me to see the fear of rejection in her eyes. I know that fear. That fear is one of the reasons I have waited for so long.

  “That’s OK, Zac. I read it wrong.”

  “No, you didn’t. I do want you.” I’m still looking at her over my shoulder.

  She peers at me, uncertain.

  “That’s why I went in the water. I had to cool off. You had your hands all over me, and . . .” I trail off.

  Her eyes fill with mirth as she gets what I’m trying to say.

  “Did it work?” She laughs. “Did you cool off?”

  “Not by a long shot.”

  Lilly hesitates. Her eyes are serious again, reading me, trying to find if I’m telling her the truth, so I let her see the desire in me. I allow it to show in my eyes. She gasps.

  “I want you.” And to prove it, I unhook her ankles and guide one leg down my groin so she can feel how much I want her.

  She gasps again. She drags her legs down mine until she’s on her feet. The water laps around the middle of my stomach. I turn to her, and she comes to me, her hands on my chest. I pull her to my chest, one arm around her waist until her body is flush with mine. She looks up as I brush my thumb along the line of her bottom lip. I want to kiss her so badly that I ache. Her hands go around my neck, and I drop my face to hers, cupping her cheek. I let my lips graze hers for the first time. She responds by mimicking my actions. This is our first kiss, my first kiss and her first kiss. Yeah, I’m a loser—the high school senior who is not only a virgin, but who has never even kissed anyone yet.

  I take deep, calming breaths, willing my heart to slow down. When I regain some control, I dip a little lower, capturing her bottom lip between mine, then go for the top. She moans into my mouth, and instinct takes over—that and the three million videos about kissing I watched on YouTube. Her mouth parts for me, and I dive in. Our tongues touch, and I’m taken by how warm and inviting she tastes—sweet like summer and fresh berries, with a hint of the saltiness of the sea. She tastes like a sugar coated dream.

  I don’t know how long we stay in the water, just holding each other and kissing, exploring, learning, our hands straying over each other’s back, shoulders, hips. Lilly shivers, and I pull away. Her lips are red and trembling. Her eyes are wide and darker than I’ve ever seen. A small smile tugs at her lips.

  She giggles. “Happy birthday to me.”

  I laugh.

  “Thanks, Zac.”

  “What for?”

  “For the best birthday ever!”

  She trembles between the words. The wind picks up and clouds roll in. She’s cold.

  My hands rub Lilly’s arms, and her skin prickles under my touch. She nestles into my chest, seeking my body heat.

  “Did you cool off yet?” she asks with a mischievous smile on her face.

  “No, t
he kissing did not help my situation, Lilly.”

  She pushes her hips into me, and I hiss.

  “Yes, I can tell.”

  Lilly has never been shy. She’s the more outgoing one between the two of us, full of life—enough life for the both of us.

  When we’re back on the sand, towels wrapped around our bodies, I ask her, “Do you want to read the next one?”

  She looks surprised. “You’re letting me read all of them?”

  “No, that’s the last one for today.”

  She pouts but then goes back to the jar and finds number three.

  #3: I wish that you will always have something

  to be thankful for.

  Wish #4

  Zac

  I love lazy summer days. Love not having to wake to the sound of an alarm clock, but to the sun shining through my window. Love staying up late into the night with no concern for what I have to do the next day. My parents are long gone to work by the time I drag myself out of bed and make my way to the kitchen in search of food.

  I check my phone, and there’s a text message from Lilly. She has to run to the store this morning to get stuff for the party but will be back by lunchtime. It’s the Fourth of July tomorrow, and our families always have a joint party. People spill over both yards, the grill is going, people are having fun, and even fireworks. It’s almost lunchtime, so I skip breakfast and wait to eat lunch with Lilly instead.

  I go back upstairs, brush my teeth, and get dressed. It’s been almost a month since our first kiss on the beach. A month in which we’ve done pretty much the same. Hang out in the treehouse and kiss. Go to the beach and kiss. Watch movies and kiss. We’ve been careful not to show the change in our relationship to our parents. We haven’t discussed it, but we both know if they have any suspicions, they would try to interfere or be more vigilant.

  And we don’t need that. We’re enjoying our carefree time together and the late-night talks in the treehouse and in each other’s bedroom—with open doors and no kissing when our parents are around.

  I know my mom would freak out thinking of what the doctor said about sex. Dad would be more understanding, but he would side with Mom, and Lilly has no idea about the risks I’m taking. If it’s up to me, she never will. I understand the risk. Know what it entails, and it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’ve lived my entire life knowing that any moment could be my last, and promised myself long ago that when the end comes, I wouldn’t regret the things I didn’t do. I will not live my life in fear. Whatever little time I have left, I’ll make the most of it. Lilly is a huge part of my life. The best part of my life. I won’t give her up, not even under the threat of death. Call me stupid if you want, or immature, or any of the words adults like to throw around at kids to show their disapproval. I don’t care. There is only one person who can live my life, and that’s me. So I choose her. I choose Lilly over and over. And it makes me happy. I can’t ask for anything more.

  When I get to her house, I tell her to open one more wish.

  #4: I wish for long days and nights with you, talking about everything and nothing at all.

  Trouble

  Zac

  I hear my parents arguing. Not yelling, but talking loud enough that the sound carries upstairs. I don’t think they even know I’m home, so I do what I normally do when my parents fight, grab my iPod to block the sound and get up to close my door. I’m about to latch it when I hear my name. That stops me in my tracks, and I step into the hall and to the top of the stairs so I can hear what they’re saying. Normally, I don’t eavesdrop, but when I hear Lilly’s name, all bets are off. I go down the steps in ninja mode, avoiding the one step that always creaks, and stop at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Therese, you are just upsetting yourself. There is no proof that anything is happening,” I hear my father say.

  “If it’s not, it is going to happen soon. They’re too close. They spend too much time together. God knows what they are doing alone all day long.”

  “You can’t just tell Zac that he can’t see Lilly anymore. They’re best friends. You tell him that, and it will be a sure way to turn him against you.”

  I stiffen at Dad’s words. What? Mom wants me to stay away from Lilly? That is not happening.

  “She has him wrapped around her little finger. He follows her like a puppy. I will not lose my only child to that girl.” Mom sneers the words like they’re poison on her lips.

  “You love Lilly like a daughter. This is not you. I understand your worries. Believe me, I do. He is my son, too. But the way you’re talking, it’s just not you. What’s making you talk like this?”

  “She’s taking him away from me,” Mom replies.

  Dad is trying to be patient. I can hear it in his tone. “No, she is not. No one is taking Zac away from us. They grew up together. You can’t expect him to just stop being her friend and turn his back on her. You know that’s not going to happen.”

  “What do you suggest we do, Paul? Just wait until he dies because of teenage hormones taking over?”

  “He knows the risks. The doctor told him. Zac’s a smart boy. He is not going to do anything stupid. He knows his limits. We have to trust him.”

  “How do you know he won’t do anything? You were seventeen once. Don’t you remember what it was like?”

  “It’s different for him. We have to trust him to do what is right. He’s done everything we asked of him. He follows all the doctor’s orders, takes all his meds. He is a good kid. He knows what to do.”

  “He does not know what to do. If he did, he would not be spending every day with her. She needs to know what will happen if they have sex. She needs to know that it will kill him! Are you prepared to take responsibility for it?”

  I can hear the frustration in my father’s voice and the desperation in my mother’s. I don’t know what to do, so I stay in place and listen.

  “Therese, don’t do anything drastic. Let me talk to Zac, and I will also talk to John. Let John handle his own daughter. It’s not our place to say anything to Lilly.”

  “Today. You talk to them today.”

  “I will.” Dad is trying to appease her. He’s always the calmer one.

  “Have you taken your medicine, Therese?”

  There is a long silence before Mom responds. “I’m fine. I don’t need it.”

  Well, that explains a lot. I know Mom suffers with bouts of depression. Something that’s triggered by my situation, I guess. Not that either of them has ever said anything, but I know. I’ve heard them talking about it before. I can just tell how her behavior changes at certain times, usually around my doctor’s appointments and the like. But lately, the closer I get to my birthday, the more Mom seems to have these little outbursts. I guess the meds keep her even. When she skips them, she goes back and forth between angry and sad. I don’t know how to deal with it, so I avoid her when I can tell she’s going to be unpredictable. Dad says it’s not my responsibility anyway and I should not worry about it, but I can’t help feeling somewhat responsible. Guilt is a motherfucker.

  Dad moves around the kitchen. I can hear cabinets open and a glass being filled with water. “Here, take this.”

  “I don’t need it.”

  “It will make me feel better if you do. Please?”

  I can feel Mom’s resistance in the silence that follows. She shuts down. Dad knows how to deal with her.

  I can tell that the argument is over for now and retreat to my room.

  Wish #5

  Zac

  The fourth of July comes and goes. Lilly and I didn’t spend as much time together over the weekend since our families were around, but today is Monday, and I have never been so happy about a Monday before. It’s raining, so no beach or treehouse today. We’re planning on a Netflix marathon under the blankets and hopefully more making out.

  My phone dings, and I see a text message from Lilly asking me to come over.

  * * *

  We’re under the blanket on her bed w
atching Friday Night Lights. Her head is on my chest, my right arm around her. When the episode ends, she pauses the TV and looks at me. “I missed you this weekend.”

  “I missed you, too. It was hard to get away. My mother is really watching me.”

  “I know. Mine is, too. I think our parents may have talked and said something about us spending too much time together.”

  My mind flashes back to the conversation I overheard. Dad hasn’t said anything to me, but apparently he did say something to Lilly’s father. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because my dad said exactly that. That we are spending too much time with each other and that I should go out with some of my girlfriends. He even suggested I go to Florida for the rest of school vacation and stay with my grandparents.”

  “What?” I panic at the thought of not having her with me for the next six weeks.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I downplayed it and said we go to the beach sometimes and play games, but not everyday. And there’s no way I’m going to Florida in July. It’s hot enough here.”

  “So what does this mean?” I ask.

  “I guess it means we have to be really careful when they are around and make sure we don’t get caught. I don’t understand why my parents would be against us being together. We’ve spent just about everyday together since we were babies.”

  I can’t tell her the truth. That would change what we have, and I’m not willing to risk that. It might be stupid that I’d risk my life rather than give up Lilly, but without her, there’s no reason to fight for my next breath.

  I hedge when she looks at me, waiting for an answer. “Maybe they’re just worried because now that we’re older, you’ll take my virtue.” I give her a half-truth disguised as a joke.

  Lilly laughs and ruffles my hair like I’m a little kid. She gets pensive.

  “Dad didn’t say much, but I think your parents said something to him to get him worried.”