Between Hearts: A Romance Anthology Page 12

  I shake my head.

  “He likes some guy he met online. They’ve been talking for a few months. They’ve never met up, but I think they will soon. Adam really likes him, I can tell. If he was ever into me, he’s not anymore. He practically shoved me out of his room last night so they could have their Skype date.”

  Ben lays all the way back on the towel and considers this. I wait for what feels like forever for his response.

  “Hmmm…well. So he has some online crush going. They’ve never met. Yeah, he might be into him, but I think the dude was like in love with you forever. That’s not just gonna go away. He probably still has feelings for you that he’s just pushed aside, so you need to tell him Jamie. Like tonight.”

  He’s right. I do need to tell him, and I’m ready to do it right now. I get up from the towel and start dusting myself off. I’m going to go home, take a shower, and get dressed to impress. Look out Mikey, with your fucking dimples, funny stories, and sarcasm. I’m ready to bring it.

  Ben lifts up on his elbows when he sees me getting ready to go.

  “Good luck.” He reaches out and slaps my hand. “You got this.”

  I grab my board and start heading away when I hear Ben yelling at me.

  “You’re welcome,” he shouts. “You owe me a hundred bucks for the therapy session. I accept weed as payment.”

  I’m still laughing when I get into my car, but as soon as I check my phone my heart drops and everything comes to a screeching halt as I read the text message on the screen.

  Adam: Hey, sorry have to cancel tonight. Mikey and I are meeting up. Tell you all about it tomorrow.

  Shit. Shit. He sent the text twenty minutes ago, which means he could have already left. I toss my phone aside, rev up my engine, and head straight for Adam’s house. So much for trying to make myself presentable.

  Chapter Seven

  Adam

  I stare at myself in the mirror for the eightieth time tonight, running my hands through my damp hair. The person looking back at me is a skinny pasty guy with a permanent scowl and a zit on his chin. I shake my head at him and try to will away the sick feeling in my gut. I‘d been stoked an hour ago when Mikey proposed this date tonight, suggesting we both meet each other halfway at a little diner tucked into the mountains near Big Sur. I’d readily agreed, although now I’m feeling super anxious. I curse myself for eating anything at all today since my heart starts to beat faster and the sandwich I ate a few hours ago starts to rise its way up my stomach. I close my eyes and try to hear Jamie’s voice in my head, calming me down.

  Breathe Adam, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Push everything out of your mind and just try it a few times. It’ll help, I promise.

  I concentrate fully on my breathing, until everything starts to settle down again. Thank God. I feel myself relax and smile at myself in the mirror. I’m really doing this, I’m going on an actual date. I’m moving past Jamie, the one person I’ve always wanted, but know I can never have. Just as I finish that thought I hear a car barreling up my driveway and I can tell from the music playing it’s Jamie. What’s he doing here? I guess he didn’t get my text. I bet he was surfing, left his phone in his car again then didn’t bother checking it before he came over. Damn. I felt bad enough last night letting him leave so I could Skype with Mikey when it was clear he had wanted to stick around, and now I’ll be ditching him again. Oh well, I need to do this. I put my shoes on quickly. Rushing out of my room to meet him in the driveway.

  The lights from his car blind me as I step outside to meet him. He shuts his engine off, gets out, and for a moment I’m temporarily stunned into a state of absolute lust. He’s clearly come straight from the beach and it’s my favorite look for Jamie. His skin looks freshly sun kissed, and his blond locks are damp and heavy with salt water. His board shorts and thin t-shirt are clinging to his every muscle, and I have to do everything in my power to look away. I make busy work of checking my phone again and texting Mikey that I’m about to leave.

  “Hey,” he says, walking up the driveway towards me.

  “Hey, I guess you didn’t get my text? Sorry, I’m actually going to meet Mikey tonight. We’re meeting halfway.” I give him an excited grin that he doesn’t return. I don’t really get it, but I’m pretty sure Jamie isn’t really crazy about my situation with Mikey. When I try to talk to him about it, he just seems like he’s indulging me in some way, like he thinks I’m stupid for crushing on someone I’ve never met. It’s actually really starting to piss me off, so this time I don’t bother hiding my annoyance.

  “What? I know you don’t like him okay. But I do, and I’m really excited about this, so I would hope, as my best friend, that you could be happy for me? Or at least try to fake it?”

  Jamie stops short, a little surprised at my outburst. There’s something in his eyes that I’ve been seeing a lot lately, yet I can’t for the life of me recognize.

  “Ad, umm…I think we should talk,” and then he fidgets a little, looking nervous. What the hell is happening? Jamie is always steady, he’s never like this, and then it hits me. Oh my God, something’s wrong. Something’s wrong with Jamie. My brain starts going to all the most horrible places. What if he’s sick or something, and he’s scared to tell me. My stomach starts to rise and I can feel my anxiety taking over.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask with an edge of panic to my voice. He senses it right away though and holds his right hand up signaling me to stop and shakes his head.

  “No, it’s nothing bad, at least I hope it isn’t, I just really want to talk to you about something important. You think maybe you can postpone this date with Mikey tonight?”

  And just like that, I’m pissed off again.

  “No, Jamie, I can’t! Actually, I won’t. If you’re not hurt or dying, then whatever we need to talk about can wait until tomorrow. And for the record, I think you’re being a real asshole about Mikey. You could at least be a little supportive. This is my first fucking date, ever, and you’re standing in my driveway asking me to cancel it. Do you realize I’ve never been kissed before? I’m sixteen fucking years old and I’ve never kissed anyone? You’ve kissed—hell you’ve fucked—a bunch of times, but I haven’t.” My body is shaking now. I don’t understand any of this.

  Jamie’s head drops. When he looks up, his big green eyes lock onto mine and my insides turn to jelly. Fuck, he still has this effect on me.

  “Just give me a few minutes, please, before you go. I’m sorry, I really am, I just really need to tell you something.”

  Begrudgingly, I acquiesce and nod, waiting for him to say what he needs to say.

  Chapter Eight

  Jamie

  He’s pissed off at me, but he’s waiting. He’s giving me my chance here, though I still can’t figure out what to say. Words come out eventually, but they’re all wrong.

  "Adam, just don't go to meet Mikey tonight, please. I just don’t think he’s the right person for you."

  My voice is shaky, and it doesn't even sound like it's coming from me, yet it's somehow still enough to piss him off. He looks up at me with dark brown eyes filled with rage, then walks right up to me and pushes his finger into my chest.

  "Why the fuck not Jamie? Give me one good reason?"

  Tell him, just stop being a pussy and tell him.

  But I don't. I fucking don’t.

  "You don't know him. He could be some crazy person on the internet." I realize how stupid it sounds the second it leaves my mouth.

  His sarcastic laugh echoes in the night.

  "Fuck! Who are you right now Jamie? Because you sound like my grandma. I've been Skyping with him for almost two months. He's not a stranger, and he's the only other person I've ever fucking liked." He backs away and heads to his car in the garage.

  I can't let him go. He's almost to the car and I know if I don't act soon I could lose him, but something he just said snags in my brain, so I run with it.

  "Who's the other person?"

  He s
tops short, a foot away from his car door and stands completely still.

  "What?"

  The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. I take advantage of the moment and move in, walking forward and placing my hand on his car door as I stare at him.

  "You said he was the only other person you ever liked. Who was the first guy that you liked Adam?"

  If Ben’s theory is right, then this is my angle. Our eyes are locked and we're close. So close. It feels like all the electrons in the air have suddenly frozen in place.

  He doesn't say a word. We just stare at each other.

  "Was it me?" I whisper the question because that's all I got right now.

  I’m leaning against his driver’s side door, creating a barrier between him and his car, trying to stop him from getting in and peeling away to meet Mikey for the first time. His face reddens and he says nothing, but the look in his eye reflects a mixture of confusion, embarrassment, and then shame. Like I’ve figured him out, but he doesn’t get why. We’re still staring at each other.

  “Was it?” I say again, a little louder. I reach out to grab his hand. It’s warm, and he lets me hold it a second before he rips it away.

  “No, fuck no.” He shakes his head, stepping a few paces back from me. His face is red and his dark eyes are gleaming in the moonlight.

  He’s lying.

  He turns his body away from me.

  “Let me do it,” I say. Again the words seem to come from somewhere outside my body.

  He’s facing away from me, running his long fingers through his dark hair.

  He still doesn’t look at me.

  “Do what? What are you talking about?” He croaks out, his voice hoarse and low.

  It’s time.

  I lean up from the car and move in behind him, getting as close as I can without touching him. I can feel the heat coming off his skin and smell the minty scent of his shampoo. He stands up taller, but still doesn’t turn around to face me.

  “I want to be your first kiss. You shouldn’t let Mikey have it. It should be mine.”

  I lean my head down and whisper this against his shoulders and he shudders a little. Adam doesn’t say anything, but when he brings his hand up to rub his temple a second later, I can see that he’s shaking. Shit. I touch him gently on the arm to calm him, but as soon as I do, he lunges around and pins me against the car with more anger and force than I’ve ever seen from him. I’m so shocked that I don’t even have time to brace myself. My head snaps back hard against the car door, a jolt of pain rushing through me.

  “Fuck you! Just fuck you, Jamie! The thought of me being with someone, and not being your little pet project anymore, makes you so desperate that you feel like you need to pretend you want to kiss me? What the fuck?!”

  “Ouch,” is all I can manage to say as he quickly releases me from the car. I start to rub the back of my head, feeling a lump that’s already forming. This is not going well. Despite my best intentions, I’m still managing to royally fuck this up. Adam is just straight up angry now, and what the fuck is he talking about, my pet project?? Is that what he thinks our friendship has been for the last five years?

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “No, what the fuck are you talking about? You telling me you want to kiss me? I know you’re lying, and you’re an asshole for doing it,” Adam spits out. His words are like a hard kick to the ribs, although how can I blame him? I just told him something earth-shattering without any explanation whatsoever.

  He’s seething now, but as I meet his eyes I see something else. Raw, exposed hurt and confusion. It breaks my heart because I never ever wanted to be the cause of that look in his eyes right now. I need to try to fix this. Now. But before I can explain he speaks.

  “You’re straight,” he chokes out. I can feel the emotion in his voice and I just want to fucking hold him, but I can’t. He needs answers. His words hang in the air between us.

  “No, I’m not Adam, I’m bisexual.” I run my hand through my hair. My heart bangs around in my chest as I wait for his reaction.

  Adam takes another step away from me barking out a laugh. He has his cynical, protective mask up. The one he uses on other people to protect himself. Not me. It was never for me. He’s shaking his head, and fuck…I start babbling out a response.

  “Look, I know I should have told you about this sooner but I just wasn’t sure what was going on with me. A few months ago, I started to feel different around you. For a while I didn’t get it, and when I did, it kind of freaked me out because I realized I was attracted to you. Really attracted to you. Once I accepted that, I realized it wasn’t just you. I was attracted to other guys too but it’s you that I like, I just didn’t…”

  I don’t get to finish my sentence when something hard hits me right in the jaw. I stagger backwards and roll off the back of his car, almost falling down. Pain. I feel it from my face to my stomach though it takes my brain a few seconds to realize what it was.

  My best friend in the world just punched me in the face. Hard.

  My hand goes to my jaw, rubbing it. I try to stand, but the punch has made me queasy, so I just lean over with one hand on my face and the other pressed to my knee as I try to get my bearings.

  “It is unbelievable the lies you will tell to stop me from seeing Mikey. I kind of hate you right now.”

  In the background I hear keys jingling and realize he’s about to leave. I have one more pathetic shot at this before he goes.

  “I would never lie to you, and I know you know that.”

  He opens his car door and gives me one final answer.

  “Fuck you.”

  Then he gets in his car and peels off, leaving me inhaling a cloud of dust to go along with the aching pain in my jaw. Nice.

  Chapter Nine

  Adam

  I pull out of the driveway as fast as I can, only vaguely aware that I’ve just left Jamie, my best friend, injured in my driveway. My brain can’t digest anything that just happened. I’m still consumed with anger as I push the pedal down hard, trying to make the engine rev as fast as the beating of my heart right now. What just happened back there is the strangest and most confusing, messed up thing that has ever happened to me. Did he really just offer to kiss me like I’m some pathetic needy bitch? How fucked up is that? He’s so against me being with Mikey that he would lie to my face like that. Claiming to be bi? That was so fucked up. How could he mess with me like that? That’s what made me punch him. What a bunch of crap. I couldn’t even respond with anything else but my fist at that moment. For a little while I feel indignant, validated even. Lies like that deserved nothing less.

  I keep driving down the road but something else keeps gnawing away at me. Why? Why would he do that? As far as I know Jamie’s really only wanted me to be happy. He hates it when I’m in a major funk. He might not be crazy about Mikey but why would he really go through such extreme measures to stop me from meeting him?

  Unless.

  Unless he was telling the truth. The thought of it makes me ill for punching him instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. But it couldn’t be true. That would mean…

  Against my will, a small bud of hope starts to form in my belly. But it’s too much to think about all at once.

  My eyes start to blur and I can’t make out the lines of the highway, which is dangerous since driving the pass from Carmel to Big Sur involves a lot of winding, narrow mountain roads. I pull over as soon as I can and bang my fist on the steering wheel. My right hand aches in pain and it’s already swollen from where I punched Jamie in the face. FUCK! I just punched Jamie in the face. What just happened? I feel the prickling sensation start in my nose and travel up to my eyes. I lean my head against the steering wheel and let the tears fall. A few minutes pass before I pull out my phone and stab out a quick apology to Mikey. He’s gonna be pissed since I know he’s already on his way to meet me. Sure enough his responses start coming right away. All I can say in reply is that I
’m sorry. My phone rings and rings with his name lighting up the screen, but I just keep hitting ignore. And just like that, my first date ever ends before it even starts. Typical. I give myself a moment, wipe my eyes with the back of my wrist, then turn around and head home.

  The second I step through the kitchen doorway, the sweet pungent odor of marijuana hits my nose. My sister looks up at me and quickly puts the joint out in the sink, leaving a black smudge behind as she shoves the rest of it in a random drawer.

  “I thought you were going out?” She snaps, clearly caught off guard.

  “Change of plans. Jesus, relax Kelly. I’ve been around weed before. This is California. Smoke away.”

  Her large glass of wine is sitting there on the table untouched, so I grab it and start to head to my room.

  “ADAM!” She screeches loudly. The cat gives an annoyed meow and flees from the room.

  I stop in my tracks and turn to face her. A little of the wine sloshes over the edge of the glass and starts to run down my hand.

  “WHAT!?” I yell back, irritated.

  Her fingers rake through her wavy dark hair and her eyes go from my face to the wine glass, then back again. I think I see her focus on my swollen hand for a second and I brace myself for a barrage of questions.

  “You shouldn’t be drinking,” she tries to state in an authoritative voice, but she’s high, so it’s not that convincing.

  “I know,” I say, sarcasm level five thousand. “I think you should tell our parents. If you still have their number.”

  She rolls her eyes.